


I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace

by Charlie64



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (mostly), Canon Compliant, F/M, Order 66, Post-Order 66, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25533886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie64/pseuds/Charlie64
Summary: Felucia was a dreadful planet. It had been the first time, the second time was worse. So much worse. He couldn’t believe The Empire was sending him to that hellhole again. Perhaps this time he wouldn’t be getting off the planet.
Relationships: CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for clicking. This is my first fic and i hope you enjoy it. Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters they belong to Disney and I am not making money from this.

Felucia was a dreadful planet. It had been the first time, the second time was worse. So much worse. He couldn’t believe The Empire was sending him to that hellhole again. Perhaps this time he wouldn’t be getting off the planet. 

The first time he lost so many brothers, it was a bloodbath. 

The separatists had outnumbered them and they had no Jedi back then, it was just before Aayla was sent to them. He’d seen brothers be blown apart, bleed out, and go down after one well placed shot. So few of them got off that planet that they only needed one carrier. Those who were left were broken. There was only one shiny; he died in the next battle. Part of him thinks that was why she was sent. It was still at the very beginning of the war, she had only been a knight for a few months and she was full of hope and perseverance. She was greatly needed after the mess on Felucia. 

The second time on Felucia was so much worse. 

He was walking through the deadly nature of Felucia, protecting his general’s back when Order 66 happened. It’s funny really, his job was to protect her and yet he was the one she needed protecting from. He could do nothing but watch his blaster raise with his brain stuck behind an ongoing chant of “Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders.” Bly couldn’t escape it. 

When he saw Aayla checking her surroundings for the imminent threat that was sure to come after hearing her men prepare for an attack, Bly could do nothing but scream behind an emotionless mask. That she didn’t even look to them showed how much trust she had in them and how much the betrayal would sting. 

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

Her body fell to the ground of the godforsaken planet and Bly could feel again. It wasn’t much and it was mostly anger. He continued firing at her back, he wasn’t angry at her, he was angry in a way that would get him decommissioned. He hated the orders he was given and there was nothing he could do about it. His men continued firing, he didn’t know if they were doing it for the same reasons as him or if they were just following his lead. It didn’t matter; Aayla was dead either way. 

The gun stopped blasting. “Good soldiers follow orders.” His emotions under control again. The neverending mantra in his head strengthened the control over him after his momentary lapse. 

They left her body there to join the mass of plant life and wilderness in Felucia and picked up her lightsaber. He made his captain do it; Bly could feel the emotion in that thing, it was like one of Aayla’s limbs. Bly looked back at his general even though he knew it would only bring pain but he couldn’t help but look over her scorched back and feel the guilt wash over him. 

He hoped Aayla went quickly, she didn’t deserve pain. She didn’t deserve death either and yet there her body lay, a bright blue spread across the muddy planet surface. She didn’t deserve to lay there though, she needed a proper burial and he almost turned back to do something about it, he wasn’t sure what, but then another wave of “Good soldiers follow orders” washed over him taking his thoughts away. 

Bly continued forward with his squad ready to report to his next mission. 

In the years that followed Aayla would come to the front of his mind more and more often. There were an increasing amount of periods where he had control over his own body before being plunged behind the mask again. He didn’t know which he hated more; the times where he would be trapped behind an emotionless mask merely a spectator to his body’s life, or the times that he would be so stricken by grief that the only thing he could do was to prevent himself from eating his own blaster. 

He knew if it got to the point where he spent more time in the present than out of it he’d be decommissioned or whatever The Empire’s version of decommissioning was. In all honesty, they’d probably just kill him. 

So many brothers had been taken away because they started gaining some semblance of reality and were horrified by what they had done both during Order 66 and for The Empire. There were so few brothers left. Their positions were mostly taken over by nat-borns who felt as though they were superior despite the lack of experience and clear naivety to their approach to war. 

Then he was sent to Felucia again. He went with fewer brothers then came back the first time and he had more control over himself than the second but somehow he knew he wouldn’t be coming back a third time. He wasn’t too disappointed. 

He lay alone bleeding out. Coughing up blood. He didn’t deserve quick and painless. He was crushed under a pile of rocks and had multiple grazes from blasters that he didn’t quite remember getting, he was sure he had a concussion. There was no one who was going to help him; their medic had died earlier and the one for the nat-borns wouldn’t help clones. It wasn’t prejudice that had been born in The Empire but had been enabled to grow by it. Most medics would help anyone but as time went on Bly saw more prejudice against him and his brothers, seeing them as less like living individual people and more like droids. Part of that was true he thought. It didn’t matter. 

At least Aayla saw them as more than just droids, maybe that was her downfall seeing them as something more than what they were ever built for. 

He wonders how far away Aayla’s body is. 

Blood spattered down his chin and his chest heaved. He didn’t need a medic to tell him that the pain would be over soon. 

He’d get to meet his brothers again and although he knew little about the force he hoped he’d see Aayla again as well. 

He could only see blurs of colours that were beginning to fade to black as he started drifting in and out of consciousness. He supposed Felucia wasn’t too bad, really it was beautiful with so many bright colours and so much life. 

It was raining. The water mixed with the blood running down his chin and falling in his matted hair; his helmet having been discarded a while back. He always liked the rain. Not on Kamino, there was no life on Kamino and rain needed life, it needed dirt and leaves and life. But when he visited planets that rained on open grass or through a canopy of trees or into a lake surrounded by mountains he understood the galaxy a little more. 

Aayla told him about the force one night. They were outside and it was raining, little water droplets running down his neck and all over Aayla’s exposed skin, he still thinks she should wear some armour. He asked her about the force, what it was. She said it was in all living things and flowed through everything. She said she saw it in each person she came across. Said everybody had a different force signature. She said she saw it in all of us. Everyone had a place in the force, everyone was different. He could see it in the rain how much life it gave to other things. He looked upwards to the sky, away from the fire in her eyes as she tried to convince him of his worth in the world, of all his brothers’. 

He supposed that was the moment he fell in love with her, standing outside, getting soaked through, a silent moment in between planning and fighting. She had already fallen for the man who fought by her side, who was devoted to her and his brothers, although Bly didn’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you liked this and feel free to discuss in the comments. Title from Taylor Swift’s ‘my tears ricochet’.


End file.
